Sweets and sweetie-pies

It's almost 5:00 pm on a Sunday and I have no idea what to cook for dinner. The only thing that sounds good right now is Girl Scout cookies. I'm really starting to think I have a problem with these things. (The first step is admitting you have a problem, right?) I have the ability to resist them if I have reinforcements with me. For instance, Neal, Trent, and I were leaving Lowe's today when we were jumped by a couple of uniformed pushers trying to entice us with their caramel-laden treats. I literally had to look away from them in order to resist a hasty purchase that I would have regretted 10 pounds and two dress sizes later. I know it's karma's way of getting back at me for selling cookies outside the YMCA in Houston several years ago. These sweaty people would emerge from the gym and attempt to walk past our table but we could always tell which ones were serious about getting fit and those that were just getting their money's worth for the membership they bought in order to comply with their New Year's resolutions. The weak always worship at the altar of Thin Mints.

On the home front, Trixie is no longer with us. It took a few days, but Trent's initiation tactics finally caused her to growl and nip at him. He just doesn't understand that dogs don't like being hugged to the point of near asphyxiation. Neal reluctantly returned her to her foster home and bid her well. Meanwhile, I stayed home and used the vacuum to remove any trace of her. I think Remington was secretly celebrating on the inside. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if Remi and Trent conspired to get her out of the house so Remi could take possession of her new cushion to sleep on. He has been lopped all over it ever since.

Neal and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary recently by acting like we'd been married 30 years. Dinner and a movie, no cards exchanged, me presenting him with a practical gift (clothes to wear on the cruise), and him sending a bouquet of flowers to my place of business. Pretty standard stuff but appreciated nonetheless. We're pretty low-key so this kind of observation of our anniversary fits us just right.

The stupidest holiday ever invented falls just a couple of short weeks after our anniversary. How can we be expected to get all stirred up for Valentine's Day (or "Forced Romance Day") when we just acknowledged our epic love two weeks prior? Valentine's Day is a pain in the rear regardless of your status. All it can do is cause sadness, resentment, or embarrassment. Sadness if you're single, resentment if you "outdo" your significant other, or embarrassment if you didn't meet expectations. Everything has to go perfectly from the perspective of both parties for this to be a win-win. Rarely is that the case, especially with women.

Valentine's has to be approached very carefully in the sense that you can go one of two ways: You can try to top what you did for Christmas, in which case you are setting a terrible precedent for future Valentine's Days, or you can act like you're above it and keep reiterating to your significant other that you "don't need one day on the calendar to celebrate your feelings because you do that every day of the year." Either way, you're not in a good place. In this economy, I would opt for plan B. This is the approach that Neal and I have adopted but the only reason it works is because it's mutually agreed-upon. Perhaps that's why Valentine's Day was created -- to set boundaries and test compatibilities. It also just happens to work for us because we have Christmas, our anniversary, and "VD" all in a less than two-month span...and this year, we "overstimulated" the economy for Christmas so it left plenty of residual for the other two occasions.

The other bad thing about Valentine's Day? That would be the people who pronouce it "ValenTIME's Day". If I hear you say that, I will take one of those candy hearts and I will....make you EAT it!