Carafe Hunting

Well, it finally happened. We lost our carafe in an awful early-morning incident. (For those who aren't avid coffee-drinkers, the carafe is the glass pitcher that goes with your coffeemaker. It just sounds more sophisticated, and technically correct, to refer to it as a 'carafe'. In Texas, it's pronounced "ku-RAF-ee").

Anyway, it was already chipped from a previous incident in which I overestimated the leftover content from the previous day's brew (Yeah, I know it's gross to let it sit overnight...just like office coffee. Mind you, we wouldn't dare drink the overnight contents; we're just too lazy to clean it until we get ready to make a new batch the next day). So anyway, it's about 6:45 am and I'm barely functioning and trudge over to the coffeemaker. I glance at the carafe without my eyes being able to focus properly and grab the handle, using entirely too much force. Inevitably, it crashes into the bottom of the basket that holds the coffee filter much like when you grab a huge jug of milk and pull up really hard and crash it into the roof of the fridge. Just like that, boom! A chip is missing from the glass and a precarious hairline fracture forms. Still functional, though. Being the cheapskate I am, I decide it's worth it to risk the possibility of one of us eventually consuming a small shard of glass that continues to chip away from the sight of the accident. I'll just be really careful...(as I always am at 6:45 am, thus the accident.)

Fast-forward three months or so. Neal is on coffee-making duty and is trying to clean the carafe without slitting his wrist on the sharp, exposed edges. He then starts to fill the carafe with clean, soap-free water to make a batch of caffeine goodness when the carafe just decides it's time to end it. The fracture rapidly developed and the glass pieces parted like the Red Sea. The resulting crash was like a prelude to the way the rest of the day would play out. We then spent the next 10 minutes pulling glass out of the sink and the garbage disposal (Here's a hint if it happens to you: Oreck makes a great hand-held vacuum whose attachments fit perfectly into the drain).

Once the diversion of picking up broken glass was past us, sheer panic set in. Where would this morning's coffee come from? Was there any other glass container in the house that would be a formidable substitute? After all, we're 20 minutes away from the nearest Starbucks. We eventually settled for convenience store coffee but knew in our hearts that this could not continue.

Being as we live in the country, there's no practical option for replacing this thing in a reasonable amount of time. Neal immediately hit the internet, scouring it for any sign of a replacement carafe. Bed, Bath, and Beyond turned out to be the best option -- unfortunately, that's a 45 minute drive minimum. As luck would have it, we would be going on vacation the next day and relying on the free market to handle our coffee needs for the immediate future. But looming in the backs of our minds was the stark reality that our old, craggly friend would be sorely missed upon our return home.

The worst part of it was that our flight left at 7:10 am, meaning we would need to leave the house at 5:15 am to ensure we would make it onto the plane. Of all the situations where we needed a caffeine kick, this one ranked in the top five. But with sheer determination and teamwork, we would manage until we arrived at the airport Starbucks.

Vacation whirred past, full of $4 non-fat mochas. Upon our return, we traveled to Dallas to reclaim our son from his grandmother. The Dallas metroplex is chock full of Bed, Bath, and Beyonds! This should be no problem at all!

We get to the store and as soon as we get to the coffee maker aisle, we realize they don't have the brand that's compatible with our brewer. Those dirty, online liars posting their seductive carafe photos! Suddenly, it became really scary and confusing. It was like trying to replace your kid's dead hamster...Is this one the right size? Does this one resemble our old friend? Can this one handle our needs?

Neal and I mildly bickered but then reached a concensus based on the ergonomic handle and the similar capacity of the old carafe. Victory was ours, if only for a little while.

Upon our return home, we didn't wait until the next morning to find out if this thing was going to cut it. We whipped that sucker out of the box like a kid ripping open an X Box. Then, our hopes were quickly dashed. It was too tall!! We tried slightly lifting the top part of the unit to make it fit but it was blunt force like that which brought the demise of our previous receptacle. But perhaps if we removed the lid....YES! That was the answer! We would just forgo the lid!

Thank God we went to college.