I was all prepared to write something spectacular today when I was returning home from the grocery store. I was in deep thought when flashing lights suddenly appeared in my rearview mirror. Knowing full well I wasn't speeding, my mind starting ticking off the checkpoints in my head. I was wearing my seat belt. I didn't pass anyone in a no-passing zone. I wasn't even on the phone or checking my make-up....
As the officer approached the window, I thought I had an idea about what it might be. I rolled down the window and gave him my documentation. Then, I coyly asked "Was I speeding....?" the same way someone asks a baby "Who's the sweetest baby....?" right before they blow a raspberry on the baby's bare midriff. For effect, I cocked my head to the side and made a pitiful face. (I learned that strategy from Remi. It usually elicits plenty of sympathy from me and he's normally able to score a table scrap.)
He then confirmed my suspicions...he was stopping me because the front license plate of the car was missing. Son of a *****!! I immediately started cursing myself but managed to flash a winning smile to mask the inner turmoil. I calmly explained to him that someone had backed into the front of the car, prying the front license plate right off the front bumper. It was actually a true story and I told it with great conviction, so much so that he got the feeling that I was completely sincere in my pledge to rectify the situation as soon as humanly possible. And I fully intend for Neal to do so.
This officer and I had quite a rapport. I mean, we didn't swap recipes or anything, but he knew that I was keenly aware of his ability to ruin my day. He excused himself back to his car to grab the clipboard of doom. I can't even recall what I was thinking in the interim except that I was pretty certain I couldn't take defensive driving for this type of offense. Then, I looked up and could have sworn I saw someone I know from my neighborhood driving past this sorry scene. Oh, the humiliation....
However, the humiliation quickly turned into elation as the officer handed me a piece of paper to sign as he said "I'm going to let you off with a warning this time but you really need to correct that as soon as possible." Right then and there, I pledged my eternal gratitude to the traffic gods.
Yes! I could enjoy my weekend without my thoughts periodically turning to an expensive vehicular violation.
Now we have to figure out how to reattach the license plate since it was completely ripped out from its very essence. This might involve some Mighty Putty. Or Gak.
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