I'll just build the next house myself

My prolonged absence has probably led you to believe I'm dead, or worse, suffering from a debilitating case of writer's block. It might surprise you all to learn that I have been super-busy getting our house ready to dive right into that glowing real estate market!

It's nothing against our house, of course (a lovely Austin stone 3/2.5/2 with stained concrete floors located on five gorgeous acres complete with horse facilities -- e-mail me for a showing!). Neal and I just finally reached the point where we are both ready to move into town so that the kids are closer to their friends and numerous activities.

Trust me, I've been working like an illegal immigrant to get this house in impeccable shape. It basically needs a coat of paint here and there plus a deep cleaning and de-cluttering. Perhaps the biggest hurdle in front of me was how to handle the tile that Neal cracked on the laundry room countertop. The conversation in my head went something like this: "Hey, I can drive a stick-shift...I can make a hell of a homecoming mum...isn't the next logical progression retiling my countertops?" I've seen stupider people than me accomplish the same feat. If you don't believe me, tune in to HGTV on any given Saturday.

I pulled the never-been-opened home improvement manual down from the top shelf of the study. After sneezing for fifteen minutes from inhaling the layer of dust on it, I was able to locate the tab titled "Tiling and Masonry" (By the way, anyone else find the "Masons" mysterious? Aren't they part of an alleged one-world-government, black helicopters, tin foil hats conspiracy? That's something to look up on Wikipedia later...)

The most difficult step of the whole process was the trip to Home Depot to pick up the supplies. I started to make a separate list of my own from the lists in the book but paused and thought "Who am I kidding? I'm gonna need photos." I could just picture myself wandering the aisles of the store, trying to make eye contact with anyone clad in an orange vest only to be shunned while they pretend to have a conversation with someone on their two-way radios. All this because I don't know what an "awl" looks like.

So my son and I ventured to the Home Depot, fortified with the knowledge contained on those book pages. Between the two of us, we were able to identify the tools by photo as if we were at a police station lineup ("Well, it looks kind of like that one but it's pointier...).

We arrived home and promptly put the tools to work. I discovered I'm a huge fan of the tile cutter. I also learned that I have a knack for grouting. Within days, I declared victory. The finished product was sublime. I should add this to my resume -- even if it has no bearing on my accounting skills and knowledge, I just want to brag a little bit.

So although Neal and my son and I are all in agreement about moving the ol' family homestead into town, it took some convincing for my daughter to get on board with it. Well, more like bribing than convincing. Neal told her that if we move back into town, she can get another beagle -- a dog for which she has longed for two years. It's all pretty ironic considering the fact that we bribed her with a horse to get her out here to our current house. If we keep this up, we're going to have quite a menagerie.

Speaking of animals, my friend Lori sent me this link today which had me nearly falling out of my chair laughing. Like she said, apparently everything is on the internet! Enjoy! http://kittywigs.com/index.html